Being ‘Soulmates’ Doesn’t Mean You’re Destined To Be Together

‘Soulmate’ is a term loosely thrown around in Hallmark movies and new age spiritual circles. Its likeness been found in ideologies across the globe, ancient to modern. Though, there’s a common misconception throughout these theories in that we often mistake soulmate to be synonymous with forever. I myself have been guilty of such a thought, thinking that surely, if the stars aligned, if we indeed came to this planet together, eternal love must be our agreement right?

In my 20s, my entire perception around the term ‘soulmates’ shifted immensely.

I learned that true, soul-aligned love comes in as three types (or a mix): a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Now, I believe reasons are prevalent in every relationship we create in our life, from the one we create with our barista, to the ones we create with our intimate partners. However, sometimes these intimate relationships have one specific reason and the more we accept the fact that these reasons are here for our higher learning, the more gracefully we are able to let go when the lessons are complete.

We are not tied to just one soulmate in our lifetimes on Earth.

Having spent over a decade studying reincarnation and soul contracts, guided mostly by the profound work of Dr. Linda Backman, I’ve come to define the term ‘soulmates’ as members of our soul groups, the souls that we incarnate with throughout different lifetimes to help one another evolve our consciousness, create or clear karmic contracts together. These soul groups are formed on the Fifth Plane of Existence, where the majority of our soul’s energy resides. Before our incarnation, we converse with our groups and plan out our lifetime in advance, including our lessons, gifts, challenges, and destinies. In addition to these planning sessions, we make agreements with our ‘soulmates’ to meet at certain times, in specific places, in order to accomplish these lessons necessary to our highest evolution.

These types of soul-level relationships can take various forms that do not always include intimacy but still stem from a deeper place of soul recognition and divine timing. One of your ‘soulmates’ could actually be your business partner, or your mentor, or your best friend.

As with all our soulmates, we have almost always shared past lives together. That is what creates this deeper feeling of “knowing” someone; you hear of people feeling like they “came home” when they reconnected with a soulmate in this lifetime. This is because our soul, and the seat of the soul is in the heart, recognizes their energetic imprint before our human mind does. For romantic relationships, these soul rememberings can be intensified by intimacy as energies reconnect on the physical plane, and can vary according to what degree these souls are connected.

The Different Types of Soulmates

Karmic Partners

Sometimes these soul contracts are karmic — the goal is to create or resolve energetic imbalance, known as karma. Karma isn’t a “good” or “bad” thing, it is simply neutral and provides learning and evolution for the soul on its journey through incarnations. For example, in one lifetime, two members of a soul group may come together to create karma, such as one party abandoning the other in a time of need. So to balance that energetic exchange, in the next life, the abandoner has to learn how to stay put and show up during the time of need, or, learn what it is like to be the abandoned instead. There are innumerous ways karma can play out, but ultimately, the goal is for two souls to come together to catalyze each other’s growth.

Life lessons from these types of partnerships follow common themes of justice and retribution, love, or maturity and responsibility.

Twin Flames

“Twin Flame” is a term that I personally have had to dissect over and over to get to the core of what I understand it to be. The term is very sensationalized in spiritual circles and has become somewhat of a catch-all for relationships that classify as, for lack of a better word, chaotic. Regrettably, many people who have found themselves in dynamics that are unhealthy have used the term Twin Flame to justify the relationship, when in fact, sometimes the people we engage with are more karmic in nature.

In my studies, we all have one Twin Flame. Twin Flames are typically the most intense, instant-spark kind of soulmate relationships because they are specifically meant to catalyze rapid growth for both parties; think the ‘accelerated course’ over the semester long course. Twin Flames are a potent mirror to yourself. These relationships bring out both parties’ brightest lights and the darkest darks — ultimately they are meant to reflect back to you that which is hidden in the subconscious. They will often produce ecstatic highs and excruciating lows, to help the soul learn how to find the balance in between. In pure energetics, the pendulum naturally wants to balance itself; Twin Flame relationships mirror this fluctuation as two extreme ends slowly, over time, create a shorter wavelength in order to pass through the center point more frequently, and eventually, come to stillness. In this stillness is the maturity and completion of the cycle.

This pendulum-dynamic can also express itself through a dance of runner/chaser. The people in the Twin Flame dance have an experience that sends them apart (inevitably creating space for growth through working on themselves or through other soulmates) but the magnetism draws them back together. Each time they arrive at the balance again, their frequency and consciousness has expanded. Twins who stay committed to their growth and evolution can withstand the separation and reunion, eventually reaching that same stillness point where completion of the dynamic is found.

Undeniably, this type of dance can also take lifetimes to complete.

Given this (sometimes severe) ebb and flow, Twin Flame relationships can be triggering encounters that create massive shifts and leave a wake of heartache and gratitude behind (Click here to read my ‘How To Recognize Your Twin Flame’ article).

Incompatible Soulmates

Incompatible soulmates are typically soulmates of slightly different vibration than yourself; they lack the intensity and passion known to other types of soulmate relationships. There was likely some connection in a past life, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is meant to be revisited this time around. These soulmates are like the ‘carrot on the end of a stick’, showing you what you want and what you don’t. Incompatible soulmates will lead you in the right direction of a more compatible soulmate. Usually the separation of these types of soulmate encounters are mutually agreed upon and have less heartbreak involved as what was meant to be accomplished for this partnership was already complete in a prior lifetime. Usually, these partnerships end fairly amicably.

The lessons gleaned from this relationship are often that we don't have to force something to work, that some people are simply companions for a season of life and there's no hard feelings in understanding the passion just isn't there.

Unfinished Business

Then, there are soulmates that have some unfinished business. These partnerships involve energy that was left unresolved in a past life and now these souls are given another opportunity to clear the issues, or karma, that was accrued in the past. Unfinished business soulmates are different than karmic soulmates because their reason for being together is very simple — complete a lesson or a blessing. These contracts are always voluntary and eventually the two partners outgrow the relationship and move on without too much drama. The lessons gained from this partnership help to awaken both parties and they move on to other relationships in time, taking with them what they learned in order to be better partners to their next love.

Lessons from this type of partnership is allowing yourself to move on when the relationship comes to its natural end, even if it feels like there was nothing 'wrong.'

Diamond in the Rough

Sometimes, we run into our ‘diamond in the rough’ soulmates. On paper, they have all the qualifications to be compatible to us but one party is not fully developed, or in alignment vibrationally with the other person. Such examples would include still being married to another person, are in an intense transitional period, or haven’t started their awakening yet. One party in this duo is moving very quickly in their growth process, and the other is stuck in old patterns, whether they are unwilling or incapable of breaking out of it. This can also be the case if one person is manifesting the other very intently and attempting to rush their Divine Timing. The spark is there, but it’s like the radio frequency just hasn’t quite reached that level of clarity to feel harmonic yet.

These soulmate relationships can work, but it takes patience and time. Many soulmates get frustrated with the process and separate, only to come back together when both parties have evolved to a higher vibration and are finally able to match each other, becoming compatible soulmates.

The lessons here often include settling for less than you deserve, and the medicine is to cultivate worthiness and decide that you’re worthy of having your needs met in real time, not waiting for the other person to finally commit to their growth.

Compatible Soulmate

Compatible soulmates feel easy. These souls meet at the right time, when they are vibrationally in alignment. These partnerships are full of love and understanding, and they meet each other where they are at without drama. Often, the two personalities in this type of relationship are very similar. I've found through my client work that many people who have gone through a myriad of karmic, incompatible, or unfinished business soulmate dynamics find respite in compatible soulmates. Although there is less challenge with these contracts, as a result there is not as much growth and soul evolution. Indeed, these people can live out healthy, enjoyable dynamics for many years together. Oftentimes, people choose to remain in these types of partnerships because they are simple. However, some people on the spiritual path get ‘bored’ with these relationships and go out to seek their compatible life partner, which provide just enough challenge in order to continue growth and evolution.

Compatible soulmates teach us that love and companionship can be easy, and they provide invaluable support for people learning how to break patterns of codependency, trauma-bonding, or the like and learning what healthy love feels like.

Compatible Life Partner

The compatible life partner is also a fairly easy-going relationship, but has a larger emphasis on growth. These relationships are much more spiritually and mentally stimulating; the dynamics of the personalities have enough contrast to incentivize new perspectives. These two partners are well-suited for each other as their deep affinity and attraction for each other are magnetic on a soul level. Sometimes even without words, they have a deep understanding and knowledge for each other and their processes. These are the relationships that can last a lifetime.

Commonly, these partners find each other through the magic of the Universe - with a natural and organic intelligence that creates a perfect happenstance at just the right moment for these two people to meet. Pushing too hard to find this person may result in a failed attempt the first (or several) times. The Universe serves this partnership in Divine Timing, when both partners are complete and whole within themselves.

Compatible life partnerships provide lessons of showing each other what healthy conflict can look like, what true commitment can feel like, and that it's possible to have a partnership that meets your needs as well as encourages you to grow out of your old self.

True Divine Life Partner

The last type of soulmate relationship is uncommon and very powerful. We can easily recognize this type of relationship from outside the partnership due to its magnetism. The True Divine Life Partner relationship occurs when two master souls, who have fully ascended through many soul evolutions, reincarnate together to share Divine Timing and a life’s mission. Their love is so powerful that it elevates the consciousness of those around them. It is a fission of two extremely high-vibrational souls that agree to take on a task together, helping each other achieve the same purpose. Often, this includes humanitarian work, philanthropic efforts, or high level leadership.

Once incarnate, their souls start looking for each other to begin their mission. True divine soulmates recognize each others’ energy signature before they know what the other even looks like, and understand that the Universe will guide them together as long as they are staying true to their path, for these souls share the same path and will inevitably meet at some perfect juncture.

Some examples of these types of soulmate relationships are: Jay Shetty and his wife Radhi Devlukia, John and Jackie Kennedy, Michelle and Barack Obama, Prince Harry and Megan Markle, Bill and Melinda Gates, Cleopatra and Mark Antony.

Conclusion

Divine Timing is everything when it comes to soul-level partnerships. We can’t rush our own process, how could we possibly think we could rush anyone else’s?

It’s a worn cliche, but it’s too true not to say it: in order to call in a compatible, compatible life, or true divine soulmate, you must be whole and complete within yourself. This can look like a lot of different things, but plainly: learning to love yourself unconditionally, putting in the work to reprogram your subconscious belief systems, and committing to changing your maladaptive patterning in love are all ways to calibrate yourself to the soulmate that is most aligned with this next version of you.

Just because you were involved with one type of soulmate, does not mean that you are meant to be with them forever. If they have left your life, it is for a specific reason and they will either come back at a new frequency, ready to meet you where you are at, or someone who is in alignment with you and your life’s direction is approaching soon. Remember: Divine Timing is not the same as Human Timing.

Trust that you have your pick of soulmates orbiting you — and there’s no chance of missing you.

BONUS: Astrology Synastry Keys

Relationship synastry is the study of comparing two peoples’ astrological natal charts to determine their compatibility, or rather, their unique dynamic may be comprised of and how these patterns can play out within the relationship. Though the study is very nuanced and requires a keen understanding of astrology for proper interpretation, here are a few key synastry pieces that I look for when determining if my clients’ charts have any indicator of a soulmate relationship.

Sun/Moon connection

When two people in a relationship share the same zodiac sign with either having their Sun or their Moon, there is often a pattern in the relationship of deep witnessing and understanding. For example, if the zodiac sign is Pisces, if one person has their Sun in Pisces, and the other their Moon, this couple is going to likely feel an immediate connection. The Moon person feels very seen and the Sun person feels very validated. These types of partnerships often are considered compatible.

Nodal connection

The Nodes of Destiny are calculated points in the natal chart that show the path of the soul, including the most relevant past life (South Node “Ketu”) as well as the destiny (North Node “Rahu”). Soulmates who have strong placements involving either these points are usually key indicators that these souls have traveled in previous lifetimes together and/or will help one another achieve their destiny in this incarnation.

Vertex connection

Vertex is another calculated point in the chart that indicates fate. Couples with strong Vertex indicators in their synastry show that there is a fated sense to the relationship and that their connection is likely a turning point in their lives — whether it is a lesson or a blessing is to be seen.

Saturn aspect

Saturn is the Lord of Karma. Couples that have Saturnian influence in their synastry charts often undergo profound karmic lessons together. It depends on where it falls in the chart and what other planets or points are at play, but the person with the stronger Saturn placement is here to teach important, and sometimes tough, lessons to the other person.

Pluto aspect

Pluto in the synastry chart can be a very challenging component to any relationship if its presence is strong. Pluto is the planet of transformation, alchemy, and death/rebirth cycles. Anything Pluto touches it transforms. Relationships with Pluto involved often have a very intense energy signature that can be unnerving for some. Pluto will bring to the surface anything hidden — including buried trauma, guilt, shame, obsession, possession, and more. These relationships are not doomed, but the end goal is to overcome the dark aspects and become empowered on the other side. Some couples can overcome this, but it truly depends on other aspects of the chart and the willingness of both parties.

Neptune aspect

There are specific places I look for Neptune’s influence to determine if this is a soulmate level connection. First, if either person (or the composite chart) has Neptune in their 7th House of partnerships, my interpretation is that their lifetime is marked by soulmate relationships in general. Secondly, if a synastry chart shows Neptune aspecting Venus, Juno, the Nodes, or Vertex, I also determine it likely that there is some deeper spiritual connection at play.

Jupiter placement

If Jupiter, the planet of blessings and abundance brings his energy into one (or both) parties’ 7th Houses charts in their synastry chart, I recognize immediately that this connection is meaningful and fortuitous. This is one of the most blessed synastry connections you can find in relationships, intimate or otherwise. A partner bringing Jupiter into your 7th House, or finding Jupiter in the 7th in the composite chart, can supersede other more negative aspects.

(Both my beloved and I bring our individual Jupiter placements into one another’s 7th House and I can tell you that even though we have other challenging placements to overcome, our love for one another truly is our life’s biggest blessing.)